Finding Your Edge

Do you throw salt over your shoulder, knock on wood, avoid walking under ladders, or cover your mouth when you yawn?

Do you believe in luck or fate? Or do you believe in your ability to have a purpose and/or a destiny?

In today’s society, when most of us are driven by bosses, families, cell phones, or our responsibilities, we want more control of our fate or destiny. Some of us work harder, others turn to superstition, and still others of us just sit back and hope for something better. So what is the key to directing your destiny? What is your destiny? What is a destiny? Does everyone have a destiny? How do you know your destiny?

So let’s begin by believing in your ability to influence your destiny rather than fate or luck. When you believe in fate or luck, it keeps you on the level of the Law of Accident, in which random things happen to you just because you happen to be at the right place at the right time (or the wrong place at the wrong time). If, however, you begin to focus on your ability to influence your life, then it moves towards destiny, your path, gifts, whatever your verbiage is. Your attention begins to attract people and events into your life. Whatever you put your attention on you also put your energy into.
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But how can you move if you’ve never been there? In a sense, you have to develop a relationship with the future, or with events that haven’t occurred yet, but which you are drawing to you by your attention.

What dreams do you have, what aspirations, goals, desires, plans for the future?

So many times we look to those that we see as great people, accomplished, someone we want to be like. The minute you start thinking that one is better than the other, you are comparing and that is the way you will live your life, comparing and trying to be like someone else.

What tapes run through your mind? You shouldn’t, you can’t, you will fail.

Who has formed these tapes? Are they real, imagined or self inflicted tapes? Are your tapes from someone you love, someone that has hurt you, from your past, or from your present? Are your tapes from your enemies or from those closest to you?

The busy life we live and the expectations that we have daily for our lives can be boundaries. Demands that we allow others to place on us, are boundaries we take on. Activities can be boundaries.

What is in your control in your life and what is out of your control in your life? We live in a corrupted society that is out of your control. Our employers, friends and family make requests of us, this is in our control. We have responses to make to situations, values and morals, these are in our control.

Can you be yourself? Do you play different roles? Are you the same at work, with friends, at church, and with strangers? We must cherish our uniqueness. We must embrace our differences. What are your unique characteristics, those at times stick out like a sore thumb?

Be alert to what is taking place around you. Goldfish can live in a large or small area. If a goldfish lives in a small area, it is small, it grows proportionally to its environment. If a goldfish lives in a large area, it is large. Goldfish release toxins naturally and in a small water area, the toxins will inhibit growth. If a goldfish lives in a large body of water, the toxins are disbursed. Who you are today does not have to be who you are tomorrow!

When life no longer is felt, life will become filled with things. Complaining will become reality. Bitterness, offenses and resentment will become the primary emotions.

After resentment can come a grievance that can remain for life, it will contaminate all areas of your life.

What opportunities have you missed by not stepping out of your boundaries?

Sometimes tapes, come from what we think others meant, what we think others should have said or did.

Want to try flee training? If you put flees in a container, they will naturally jump out. If you put a lid on the container, the flees will bump the lid for a time, then they will learn to jump just high enough, so as to not hit the lid. If you take the lid off after they are trained to not hit the lid, they will jump only so high and they will not jump out. They will eventually die in this environment. They will not change. They know only the last thing they learned. Can you identify with this in your life? Are you in a rut? What did you last learn?
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Wasting life and hopelessness are boundaries that will keep us from moving forward, becoming stale and stagnated.

One of the greatest quotes and yet saddest is, “There is nothing heavier than the burden of potential.”

When dealing with your potential, passions and purpose in life we must first understand some truths.
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Tip: Losers talk about what happened TO them and what happened to them yesterday. Winners on the other hand, only talk about WHERE they are going and tomorrow.

You can discipline your own level of charisma. You can! Do you believe that?

To gain strength and to utilize your SILENT POWER you will have to discipline and CONTROL the destructive side of your ego.

Never forget this. People can feel you and WHO YOU are speaks louder than what you say.

Popular people and those who seem to have the most charisma, is that they are so darn comfortable with themselves, with their own futures and with exactly who they are, that they do not need anyone, to validate their own value back to them.

People FEAR change and their fear of DEATH makes them preoccupied with anxiety and it permeates much of how they act. Furthermore, what they say and HOW they inner mingle and re-act to those around them, are clues to their own self-image and SILENT POWER.

The SECRET is to try to make others more comfortable and REMIND them they will be alright.

This is so subtle, but get this. Remind others that they will survive.

You do not need to live under the consciousness of others. You can be an influence to others. Put others first, serve others. Whatever you give away you get back.

REMEMBER: Before you can be you must first do. Only do that to the extent that you are. What you are depends on what you think you can do.
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It is important to spend time with yourself and for yourself. You are no good to anyone else if you are not healthy yourself. Begin to slow down and see things in a different light. Do less and begin to feel more. Think with your heart and not your head so much. Create and keep healthy habits in your life and get rid of those things that keep you from the healthy habits. Understand that you have choices in everything you do.

Now that you know there are CHOICES at your disposal. Begin to make changes to see things change in your life and your potential coming to light. Begin to go through your personal belongings and rid yourself of those things you do not need or use on a regular basis. Delegate tasks that you are not able to complete in the next month. Begin to take a look at yourself. Do you desire to lose weight, apply cosmetics, change your hair style or wardrobe?

Peace with yourself, contentment with your circumstances will lead to an understanding of joy. Joy is found by giving to others that which you possess. Soon after giving you will receive. Peace will come when you refrain from strengthening yourself by showing off, standing off, being special, making an impression or demanding attention. It may also induce refraining from expressing your own opinion.

Begin to ask for privacy when you need it. Take more quiet time to read, rest and relax. Fulfill a secret dream you have. Begin to center your life on values you have established. Surround yourself with people who have similar life values and desires for their life.
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Schedule a fun day.

Feed ducks at a local park, eat an ice cream cone, run through leaves, go to a toy store, hold a kitten or puppy, swing or go down a slide, splash at the beach, go sledding, play a game, put a puzzle together, go to the children’s area of the library, watch a children’s movie or cartoon, schedule coffee with a friend, eat out, go on a picnic, finger paint, and/or read a child’s book.

The constraints, boundaries and restrictions put on our lives are a choice we allow. We have the freedom to do as we please, yet we very rarely live in that freedom.

At times what is seen as freedom is actually a boundary. What fences surround your freedom? How high are the walls to your freedom? What is your life bordered with? What ruts have formed your life?

One of the greatest ruts is the rut of busyness.
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The trap that appears is that we must be busy in order to accomplish any goals or fulfill any dreams. The question is activity versus accomplishment. Busyness is much activity with little results, becoming a cog in a complex world. Simplicity is not a rut, it is living outside the boundaries in a complex world. The wheel works the same yesterday as it does today, so why spend time trying to refine the wheel. Polish the wheel and get on with life.

People’s lives are cluttered with material things, things to do and things to think and talk about. Busy, cluttered lives produce busy cluttered minds, leading to a life out of balance. Once lives become out of balance, a compulsive pattern will begin to appear.

People in ruts and those living within boundaries look like everyone else. Many people are in ruts, wanting to look and act like the person next to them. People in groups tend to agree with the actions before them, not necessarily in what is right or wrong. Groups act on consensus, consensus is about looking like someone else. Saying no to lesser things, to things that are wrong, can mean saying yes to something that is right, to a priority in your life.

Mediocrity is a description for a rut, trying to be like others. Mediocre people are tamed, subdued, bored, don’t rise above anyone or anything. They are quite happy being average and blending in, looking vertical instead of horizontal.
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One might be very successful in terms of making a living, raising a family, having significance in the community but still feel as if their life is being wasted—having no purpose.

Each of us is unique and has a purpose for being on this earth. Do you know what is unique and special about yourself? Do you consistently make choices that leave you truly fulfilled? Do your achievements leave you feeling satisfied? Do you have a deep sense of well being?

Do you have a sense of where you are headed and the energy to get there? Do all parts of your life operate smoothly and with ease? Do you live in harmony with the natural rhythm of your life?

Each of us is unique and has a purpose for being on this earth. Do you know what is unique and special about yourself? Do you consistently make choices that leave you truly fulfilled? Do your achievements leave you feeling satisfied? Do you have a deep sense of well being? Do you have a sense of where you are headed and the energy to get there? Do all parts of your life operate smoothly and with ease? Do you live in harmony with the natural rhythm of your life?

Purpose is the theme of your life, your reason for being. Your life purpose doesn't need to be a mystery and the good news is that you are already living it. Consistently living your life on purpose brings deep joy, satisfaction, fulfillment and well-being. A purpose cannot be arrived at when focusing only on self.

Being successful and fulfilling your life purpose are two very different issues, although over time they may become one. To begin with they are very separate. Begin to see where life is taking you or has taken you and define those areas of desire to increase your knowledge of your life.
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A life purpose statement provides a clear, concise statement of your purpose. It is a benchmark by which you can evaluate.

Being clear about your purpose and living it consistently create harmony and rhythm in your life that adds meaning and ensures more consistent success.

Ask yourself- what is the center of your life, what is the character of your life, what will be the contribution of your life, what will be the communication of your life, and what will be the community of your life.

Options are available to make more intentional choices. A life purpose statement provides a sense of direction and perspective in all dimensions of your life; career,
relationships, family, friends, finances, fun, spirituality, home, personal development and more.
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If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

The more open you are to this process and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you.

When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate within you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you.

Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.

It doesn’t matter the duration of life, rather it matters the donation of life.

Average is doing the minimum, and primarily it is doing what others desire. If we don’t decide what is important in our lives, we will probably end up doing what others expect of us as well as what is important to others.

Assist people in thinking and acting outside of the box. Be able to draws others out and to have people see outside of themselves and a different set of glasses. When driving to work, take a different route today and see something different. Fill up your car at a different gas station, buy groceries at a different store, and meet new people.

For the most part people don’t like change and don’t like challenges and yet through change and challenges we grow.

See change as something positive and invigorating. See challenges as a way to grow and see things through different eyes and different glasses.

Feelings are contagious.

Be creative; ignore the everybody’s, the idea doesn’t have to be big, make the effort, use your crayons from kindergarten, find your own Mount Everest (everyone has their own Mount Everest) and climb it, you don’t have to stand out in the crowd, don’t compare yourself to others, avoid the water cooler gang, sing with your own voice, write and act from your heart, approval is not needed to be creative.

When someone around you is feeling blue, it can bring you down. Likewise, when someone is passionate about something, this will have an effect. Build the change so that others want to be part. When you give a part, also give them the authority and control to act upon.
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Share the power so that they do not feel powerless. You want others to feel useful and enthusiastic. Make them feel needed, that the change could not happen without them!

The more original your idea is, the less advice other people will be able to give you. You don't know if your idea is any good the moment it's created. Neither does anyone else.
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Good ideas come with a heavy burden, which is why so few people have them.

So few people can handle it

If you've got the itch to do something, write a screenplay, start a painting, write a book, turn your recipe for fudge brownies into a business, whatever. You don't know where the itch came from, it's almost like it just arrived on your doorstep, uninvited. Until now you were quite happy holding down a real job, being a regular person…

From now on when you meet people, give them your full attention. No longer is the meeting what is important, it is the presence you bring to them. Buying, selling, teaching, motivating, correcting, become secondary.

Don't know if you're any good, but you could be. And the idea terrifies you, be aware of being on the edge of greatness and the edge of the box. Take the plunge to defy your fears. Check out your guts and not the words spoken over you that are negative and doubting. Don’t judge people by their appearances, appearances are skin deep. Emotions, stories, personality and life is about below the skin, the inner being.

Picasso was a terrible colorist. Turner couldn't paint human beings worth a damn. Saul Steinberg's formal drafting skills were appalling. TS Eliot had a full-time day job. Henry Miller was a wildly uneven writer. Bob Dylan can't sing or play guitar.
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Part of being creative is learning how to protect your freedom. That includes freedom from avarice.

Being a leader and not being average means you lead with: praises to others, use thank you and please, learning, possessing dreams and goals, not afraid of confrontation, owning mistakes, make others better, interested in others, compliment actions being done correctly, doesn’t allow murmuring or gossiping, specific in expectations, accountable, do what is right rather than what is popular and is a servant.

Leaders will stand up and employ things outside of themselves. Instill higher values into others which in turn motivate people into more ability.
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People in ruts usually think about one person and that is themselves. Zig Ziglar said, “You’ll always have everything in life that you want, if you’ll help enough other people get what they want.”

We are conditioned in this world to think about ourselves, that’s why 97% of people when given a pen to try out will spell their own name.

Think about it.

Being out of a rut results in joy, peace and wonderment about life. When you come out of the rut there is peace and rest.

Liken your life in a rut to the ruts that are encountered after a rain storm on a dirt road. The ruts are deep and difficult to pull your vehicle out. The ruts create a high ridge that can rub on the bottom of your car and cause damage. The ruts pull and push you around, they are rough and rugged.

Ruts make a road look ugly. The ruts are frustrating and aggravating. The ruts only disappear after a grader comes along and plows them down. Allow your ruts to be plowed down.

Step to the side. The level dirt and smooth surface will be a joy to travel on. Little effort is needed when you are on a smooth surface.

Children are naturally brave and courageous. Our inquisitiveness led us to continually explore the world, to do new and different things. We never said, “I wonder if it’s going to work out or not?” when trying something new. We just did it. We trusted life.

But as we grow older we lose much of this ability.

Something happens and we began to distrust life. We come to distrust ourselves, our instincts, our dreams. This is unfortunate, because our fear and uncertainty about life often hold us in situations that are inappropriate. We hear the call but do not have the courage and/or self-assurance to follow it. If uncertain is challenging, it may turn into fear. If uncertainty is acceptance, it turns into aliveness, alertness and creativity.

When you find your purpose in life, are passionate about it, get clear on your vision and back it up with a written plan, and take better care of yourself, you will begin to notice and value one of your most valuable assets — your intuition.

Remember, “Give energy to that which you want to grow.” Entrepreneurs who are working and living from faith and trust also tend to bring more love and lightness into their business and to business relationships. Imagine being in business and being able to love life and business more.

Entrepreneurs are finding that when they are “awake” and trusting in life, more opportunities show up, it’s easier to do business, and things that they thought were not possible happen easily and with less effort.
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Trusting people enables us to take advantage of opportunities we would not otherwise enjoy. If we NEVER trusted anyone, life would be fairly miserable - trust is an important part of our LIVES.

TRUST can be a difficult subject for most people. Whether trusting those known with confidential information, those with whom interacting with for trade, or for guidance and protection.

Trust is difficult because we have all experienced instances where we felt betrayed. Whether there was truly betrayal is not what is relevant. Where there is the perception or belief that one has been betrayed, one's sense of trust will be diminished. One becomes suspicious, and generally decides to lessen the level of confidence once previously placed in the other. When trust prevails, enthusiasm takes hold.

Trust is essential as the basis for a primary relationship. Whether or not this relationship takes the form of marriage, commitment is essential for the relationship to develop to deeper levels. For this to occur, commitment must be based upon trust. Much of the pain of broken marriages or other primary relationships is the result of lack of trust. Therefore instances where trust has been violated must be resolved for the relationship to be able to continue. Relationships not based upon trust are generally for other purposes such as "keeping the family together" or for financial or business reasons, and do not have the capacity for deeper levels of commitment.

This sense of trust may be the most difficult for the one who is challenged by the need to intellectualize an experience. This person will not be open to experience; will not interpret his/her current experiences in ways that teach lessons; and will constantly struggle for a sense of peace. However, peace comes through surrender and openness to something beyond human understanding. Humans can only attempt to describe what occurs; they can neither prove nor disprove it. They must have faith to bridge the divide between experience and knowledge. As a human race, we are not able to provide proof or evidence through our intellect; we must experience it by letting go. It is our ego that is often our greatest challenge to this process.

Trust comes when we begin to realize that something greater than the human experience is operating. It comes when we face challenges, and find that there can be peace in the midst of pain. It comes when someone cares and helps us. It comes as we open ourselves to new possibilities in our individual spiritual growth. It comes if we but ask. Trust is essential. Trust does not mean that the world will change for us. It means that we will be changed to meet the world.

Trust is the foundation for intimacy. It is the foundation for healthy growth and development of our children. Trust is the opponent of fear and the provider of peace.

So go forth and bring the presence and power with you. Watch as you enter a room and all eyes turn, it is the power and presence that you bring with. Watch as strangers tell you their life stories. Watch as others seek counsel from you. Take life to a new level.

Begin to understand the power of SALT, the power of something other than yourself. Take those gifts and talents you have been given and share them with others. Make today a better day for someone else. Take care of yourself and take care of others.
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Bibliography

When Leadership Means Saying ‘I Am Part of the Problem Here’. May 28, 2002 By Ronald A. Heifetz and Marty Linsky
The Essence of Leadership. August 25, 2003 By Steve Robbins
Equipping Others to Lead. By Laura Chamberlain
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, 1998, John Maxwell
Leadership-Character and Traits, 1997, Donald Clark
Your Best Life Now, 2005, Joel Osteen
The Temple of the Super-Mind, 2008, Joe Schroeder
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Pamela Dawn Bussi lives in Bozeman, Montana. The southern part of Montana is mountainous, filled with outdoor adventure and just north of Yellowstone National Park. Outdoor adventures include skiing, photography, hiking, biking, and camping. She is married to Paul Bussi. Pamela as well is inspired by those who take health and wellness to another level, live it and pursue health outside of the norm.

Check out more information on photography at www.pamelabussi.com and www.idealphotography.biz.